Pilot Pretenders

“How Many Deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died”
Bob Dylan – “Blowin’ In the Wind”



Hilton Head, South Carolina – Tuesday, March 16, 2010…

“The kit-built single-engine plane was gliding quietly as it came down for an emergency landing on a beach. Pharmaceutical salesman Robert Gary Jones, listening to his iPod while jogging, likely never saw or heard it before the aircraft hit him from behind Monday evening and killed him”.

The airplane model that killed Jones has a turbine engine; can be built from a kit and can fly up to 370 miles per hour. The "fastbuild kit" for the IV-P model, which has a pressurized cabin, is listed as costing $129,000 and is "fully FAA approved” (whatever that means).

An airplane that is built from a kit? You can’t be serious. Most people can’t put together a bicycle from a kit and I have to believe an airplane is a tad more complicated. Would someone please put a stop to this insanity? There are too many stories of small planes crashing into houses, wires, buildings, mountains, highways, and of course, oceans and beaches.

It’s almost always about something known as “pilot error” and I will only fly with people who do this for a living. My pilot is going to be dressed in a uniform and he is a trained professional working for companies such as USAir, Continental Southwest, and Delta. I happen to believe that flying an airplane is a bit more complicated than driving a car; or even a truck or a tractor. I choose to go with a real pilot and it’s the only way I dare to go.

For me, it started with the deaths of Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper who died in their Beechcraft Bonanza. John F. Kennedy Jr. who pretended to be a real pilot, piloted his wife, her sister, and himself into the ocean off Martha’s Vineyard. Singer John Denver died after crashing his experimental, single-engine Rutan Long EZ plane in Monterrey, California. What does one mean by experimental?

It goes on and on and pilot wannabes keep killing themselves along with a host of innocent people (and frankly, it's the innocent people I worry about). I know the argument that cars are more dangerous than airplanes, but any idiot can drive a car. You have to know what you are doing to fly an airplane and quite clearly, too many of these amateur pilots clearly don’t know what they’re doing.

That guy who was just jogging on a beach in Hilton Head died a very tragic and unnecessary death. It’s just not fair.

From Russia With Love...

Ladies and gentlemen…let there be no mistake. In Pennsylvania a new crisis has arisen, and our State Police and our Liquor Control Board are reacting accordingly. In what has to be one of the most shocking developments in many years, it has been determined that certain bar owners have failed in their responsibility to properly register their beer, and God knows, we cannot allow unregistered beer in the State of Pennsylvania.

Someone (somewhere) did the exact right thing by notifying the authorities that certain bar owners (in this case, a husband and wife team) were actually serving unregistered beer in the City of Philadelphia. It has been reported that the United States Marine Corps provided the backup for a raid by a brave team from the Pennsylvania State Police against the perpetrators of this heinous act. The police moved in quickly with such professionalism and precision, the fire power of the Marines was deemed unnecessary.

It is true that the owners in question purchased the beer legally from licensed Pennsylvania distributors, but everyone knows that you must register the precise name of each and every beer (at the registered cost of $75.00 (per beer). The State Police heroically confiscated four kegs and some 317 bottles of beer that were deemed “unregistered”. Thankfully, there were no shots fired. The beer was taken to an undisclosed place where it will remain until all this has been resolved (possibly six to eight months).

It’s important to note that Pennsylvania takes the subject of beer very seriously – as well they should. And please be aware that if you visit a local beer distributor, and you desire a beer, you must buy an entire case. Forget about a six-pack, or even a bottle of beer. You must buy a case and take a few moments to make certain your choice of beer has been duly registered. Also, be aware you can’t buy beer in a supermarket and certainly not in a State Store. In terms of the popular six-packs, only two at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official “beer distributor” in which case the six-packs are not an option.

The State Police know what’s going on and the citizens of this great State are behind them. Unregistered beer will not be tolerated, and in this case, it’s kudos to the heroes at the State Police and of course, the esteemed members of the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board. We urge all Pennsylvania residents (21 and older) along with visitors to our State to make certain they are drinking “registered” beer.

CIGAR CITY...

Ybor City in Tampa has to be one of the most exciting and interesting spots of all time. Unlike so many totally predictable and boring tourist traps in America, Ybor City is the real thing. Not too much has changed since the 1800s when thousands of immigrants (mainly from Cuba) arrived here to work in the cigar factories. The modern Ybor City (which is hardly modern) is all about great restaurants and a plethora of real-live cigar stores. There is also plenty of bars, tatoo parlors and some unfortunate clubs that make Ybor a definite adult experience. Ybor is not to be confused for Disney - nor should it be. It is a bit crazy and that's part of the presentation.

And yes, there have been some incidents in Ybor and unfortunately, the local media goes out of their way to report every detail. The result is a perception that Ybor is dangerous even though most of the problems take place in the 3AM time-zone. Ybor is anything but dangerous but we all know that perception becomes reality and the local politicians (who could easily fix the problems) remain silent and allow the media to continue their bashing.

Oddly enough, the most recent example is courtesy of a prominent, local cigar magazine. Of all the members of the media, one would think they would go out of their way to help Ybor with its reputation for trouble. After all, they distribute their magazines in their cigar stores.

They actually decided that this would be a good time to feature a story that happened in 1933. It involved a madman who murdered his entire family (including their dog) with an ax. They chose the following headline and positioned it on their front cover - HORROR IN YBOR CITY!

The real horror is that a publisher who is dependent on the cigar industry would reach all the way back to 1933 to help denigrate Ybor at a time when so many are trying to change the public's perception of this classic destination. The murder was indeed horrendous, and one could suggest that it is a legitimate story (which it is). Having said that, publishing a magazine is more difficult than ever, and it's not the time nor the place to attack the very people who are keeping you in business.

I picked up a very forgettable newspaper in Florida and studied one of their very unusal ads. It was a full page so I figured it was important.

The subject matter was "chewing tobacco" - the Company in question was R.J. Reynolds and I'm guessing the sponsor was an organization called BREAK FREE. The copy made no sense to me -
"I Did" Beats "I Will Anyday"

There was one noteworthy announcement that said it all - "Warning, This Product May Cause Mouth Cancer".

Maybe it's just me, but any product that "May Cause Mouth Cancer" is a product that I would undoubtedly avoid. More to the point, what kind of morons purchase something that May Cause Mouth Cancer? I can hear it now..."I bought this product and I love it. And remember, it says that it May Cause, not Will Cause. And even if I get Mouth Cancer, it's definitely fixable."

R.J. Reynolds is a big company that must know what they are doing, and frankly speaking, they are distributing a product that May Cause Mouth Cancer. How is such a thing possible? My guess is they sleep at night because Mouth Cancer just May be fixable.