From Russia With Love...

Ladies and gentlemen…let there be no mistake. In Pennsylvania a new crisis has arisen, and our State Police and our Liquor Control Board are reacting accordingly. In what has to be one of the most shocking developments in many years, it has been determined that certain bar owners have failed in their responsibility to properly register their beer, and God knows, we cannot allow unregistered beer in the State of Pennsylvania.

Someone (somewhere) did the exact right thing by notifying the authorities that certain bar owners (in this case, a husband and wife team) were actually serving unregistered beer in the City of Philadelphia. It has been reported that the United States Marine Corps provided the backup for a raid by a brave team from the Pennsylvania State Police against the perpetrators of this heinous act. The police moved in quickly with such professionalism and precision, the fire power of the Marines was deemed unnecessary.

It is true that the owners in question purchased the beer legally from licensed Pennsylvania distributors, but everyone knows that you must register the precise name of each and every beer (at the registered cost of $75.00 (per beer). The State Police heroically confiscated four kegs and some 317 bottles of beer that were deemed “unregistered”. Thankfully, there were no shots fired. The beer was taken to an undisclosed place where it will remain until all this has been resolved (possibly six to eight months).

It’s important to note that Pennsylvania takes the subject of beer very seriously – as well they should. And please be aware that if you visit a local beer distributor, and you desire a beer, you must buy an entire case. Forget about a six-pack, or even a bottle of beer. You must buy a case and take a few moments to make certain your choice of beer has been duly registered. Also, be aware you can’t buy beer in a supermarket and certainly not in a State Store. In terms of the popular six-packs, only two at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official “beer distributor” in which case the six-packs are not an option.

The State Police know what’s going on and the citizens of this great State are behind them. Unregistered beer will not be tolerated, and in this case, it’s kudos to the heroes at the State Police and of course, the esteemed members of the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board. We urge all Pennsylvania residents (21 and older) along with visitors to our State to make certain they are drinking “registered” beer.